Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
