so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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