Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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