Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
