you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
