The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
People in love make me want to vomit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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