I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
