he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
