that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
