Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
