yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
