I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
