Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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