Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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