So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
