Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
