One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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