Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
