So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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