I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
