Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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