I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
