I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize