I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
