I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
