the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
