kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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