Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
