I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
