Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
