Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
