Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
