You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize