i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
