She said her name was "party"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
