i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
