pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
