you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize