I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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