I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
