I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
