Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize