I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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