I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
