I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
