She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
