your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
