Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
