I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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