New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got inside last night via doggy door
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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