Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
