remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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