'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
