Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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