It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
