She announced her abortion via fbk
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
