My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
