I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
