Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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