If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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