I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
