is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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