I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
