I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
