Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to jail i love you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
