hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
