I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
