not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
