i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
