I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
