from now on my penis is your penis
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
