take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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