This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
