Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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