It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
