she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize