I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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