yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
whose ass print is on the piano?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
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