How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
