Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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