there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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